Spanking / Spanking lifestyle / Spanking yourself

How To Find a Disciplinarian

While spanking yourself is the way to go, it still is ideal to have further spankings administered by a disciplinarian from time to time. I myself have various clients whom I regularly discipline – I even thought about doing it online, maybe I will do this some other time (with committed clients and regular meetings over Skype.) Right now I just assign a punishment here and there on the blog, which is good but maybe I will go one step further.

In the meantime, several of my commenters here pointed out that finding a disciplinarian is difficult for them, especially commenters from the United States. Here in the UK it’s fairly easy to find good disciplinarians (although there are much more clients, to be honest), but it seems not everybody can enjoy being disciplined regularly by a disciplinarian.

Reader NJSpank for example, mentioned this here on his quest for a disciplinarian.

Reader Joel recounts his experiences with disciplinarians:


I meet my Miss tonight for another very sore bottom experience tonight and she is very very good at it. As you know I have been seeing Mistresses since I was 22 and I have seen seven of them in that time! and that is due to them coming and going from the Town and City that I live in.
As you know I am someone that is seeking in my sessions real discipline! as I feel the need for accountability and responsibility need in my life! all the time to help me stay on track!. , I do as I also expect! the very best from my self all the time and I do not except letting anyone else down or myself down! 100 effort in all things.
My first true disciplinarian of course was my mother!

Again, a disciplinarian is a complement to self spanking. Joel writes:

but as you know from my own testimonial that when I left home at 18 I went on my own and then I had to become my own self disciplinarian for some time which I was not bad at as a self spanker from 18 – 22.
At 22 it was at 22 that I tried this thing called a mistress in that was being advertised and as I was a young man and had a mother person in mind to take me in hand and punish me for the bad things that I rally wanted to be punished for! I found an ideal Mistress in her mid 40s! As that was the age of the dominant lady that I wanted to spank me! I would keep that going right through my 20s!.

Your disciplinarian doesn’t have to be in her 40s, by the way. [I’m 32 by the way.] Joel notes:

It was not until March last year! that I found my new Mistress a much younger Mistress than myself! as that was what was available to me!!. At first I thought a lady that is 8 years younger than I am! I have always gone for mistresses! in their 40s to spank me! this is not going to work!! well was I (WRONG) This Slender! late 20s lady may look like a young girl! fresh out of school, when you first meet her! but after all is said and done, and she becomes the (MISS DISCIPLINARIAN) and you need to be corrected for your latest misconduct’s! she is well and truly up for the job! and she has sent me home 9 time’s a very sorry boy! but she also takes a big care for me as well! before and after the hiding which makes a big difference.

A good disciplinarian provides you with the necessary spankings and punished you adequately.

Joel notes,

It is now Monday night! the night after my ordeal with my Mistress! last night and I can tell you I am still sitting on a sore bottom, after last nights long! and hard normal over the knee experience.
It really is sore on both cheeks! and right on the sit spot, and I would say will be for most of the week! when she does it! you come away feeling punished, and well disciplined! which lets face it is the whole point isn’t it!.


but also provides aftercare. Joel provides good points in another comment:

What I find so fantastic and what I love about my disciplinarian is that before and after the painful long punishment! she always finds the time to sooth my emotions as I am an emotional person.
I have had to punish my self once this week with a good spanking and write lines! and have endured two Fridays’ in a row with a bottom blistering experience with my discipline Miss Melissa! Also with these next 40 remaining swats, with the leather paddle over the next few days! along with my Maintenance spanking this
Sunday in which it is the wooden spoons turn this Sunday I think I my have a very very’ sore bottom over the next few days! Will indeed help me to re-asses my behaviour this month, and should keep me on the strait path of good Attitude adjustment and correction.


When your first meeting with you future disciplinarian is coming near, it’s normal to be nervous. [I was never nervous, but I’m the disciplinarian.] Joel comments on nervousness ahead of the meeting with your spanking disciplinarian:

The strange thing that is the hardest I find the bear the most though you know! is not actually the long hard painful blistering and scolding I get over my Mistresses knee! or the days of finding sitting on hard surfaces the greatest challenge! it is that last two hours’ that you have before you see your Mistress! and it does not matter what you do before you see her! you cant help it! the feeling of dread almost of what your about to put your self through! even though you have been through it many times before and will get through it again! it still happens! those 2 hours before the Spanking Punishment and the sore behind I have now for the next few hours! the worst is those two hours of waiting time.


Now we’ve arrived at this post’s point:

Where to find a disciplinarian?

As usual, you can refer to the web (craigslist in the US, gumtree here in the UK). Finding offers shouldn’t be so easy, more important is the face to face meeting. Of course you should weed out fakes or scammers first, but then it is more important that the two of you ‘click’. Here’s another comment on how to ‘make it click’.


  • Make it clear that you do not have a sex fetish! and are into spanking and discipline not BDSM or SM! long before you start, and that sex is not what your about! only discipline and spanking only! In the past I have even gone as far as drawing a diagram of the spanking positions of spanker and spankee! if it is a first time! and this has worked wonders. [Very good point. This is discipline and not some weirdo sex fetish.]
  • Experience: Some ladies are newer to this than others’ and are still learning about us’ which need our help and experience it! whilst you will find those that have been swatting away on our behinds for years! and know every thing about your naughty ways! and know just what you need! I have recently luckily found such a Mistress so don’t give up! But even those that are not so experienced! can do an ok job if you guide them from the start in the right direction, as I have done with some ladies who have just started out in the past. With the Spanking world remember for all of us we are all Gentlemen and ladies often always learning something new from this interesting world of discipline.
  • On the relationship as a whole: I also agree with you! I to do not see my self as a slave! but as a Student of Discipline! and look at my Disciplinarians’ as both my Tutors and Mentors! Guiding me into the right direction. As we all need Discipline in our lives! and you will agree a good spanking brings one down to earth and on track when we need it.



In the end, discipline is what matters. If you search the right way, you will find a good disciplinarian. Joel did, and he comments:

I really do respect and admire! my Disciplinarian Mistress, and she does a fantastic number on me. And she also likes to talk with me before and after and we chat about things before and after my punishment! which helps me a great deal.
I am very very comfortable! with my current disciplinarian, and she does a real good job with me, as do you Miss Jessica.


The comments here provided me with lots of insights from the other perspective – I myself love being a disciplinarian!



Miss Jessica

If you want to integrate accountability in your life, become more goal oriented or just want to spank yourself anyway, you should consider, apart from reading the other articles here, to get the The guide for self spanking. It will teach you the backgrounds of spanking, some things to consider when starting first, and various scenarios in which spanking yourself is necessary. 

Check out the guide here or click on this image, to go directly to Amazon:


You can also follow us on:


3 thoughts on “How To Find a Disciplinarian

  1. Hi Miss Jessica

    Another good blog and I hope it can be of assistance to those who need a disciplinarian. I am also glad that I was able to give you an insight from my end as the spankee!.

    I so happen to see my disciplinarian Mistress again tomorrow afternoon! at 2pm my time. I have tomorrow off! as I worked Saturday Easter long weekend so no excuses to be made not to see her at the appointed time. As you know as she has been traveling I was unable to see her last month! so my trip over her knee and a dose of the cane afterwards is way over due.

    I be looking at making another appointment in a weeks time also to make up for it! as the punishment and discipline that she meets out! does me a world of good.

    I will say though that you Miss Jessica giving me all those punishment and Maintenance punishments to do in the mean time has compensated well for not being able to see my mistress in that time! so again Thank you so much for all your discipline as you provide me with excellent alternative discipline that I needed. Will send you a full report how it went! and I will get my Mistress to take a photo of my bottom afterwards! which I shall then send to you at your email address.




    • Joel, thanks for the compliment! Yes your mistress and I, we are complimentary. For guys it’s sometimes difficult to find one in real life, so I wrote this article.
      I look forward to your bottom.


  2. Hi Miss Jessica

    Just letting you know I been going through my history books! and found you something important. As you know I have an incredible record of all my punishments! including all my Mistress punishments! that I have had over the years recorded for my own benefit and lesson reminder’s.

    I can tell you that my first session and punishment from a 47 year old disciplinarian at the time when I was 22 years old! was on the night of Friday the 4th April 2002! I have it recorded! along with every single other one since!!. The punishment went from 9pm – 10pm! and during that time she spanked my bear bottom with leather strap, hair brush and even with one of those leather cat whips that sting like hell. I even thinking of going back to them? as they really get my attention. That was it! I have had discipline by Seven different lady’s since! 8 if I include you Miss Jessica.

    That means, seeing on going Mistresses’ for self Discipline has helped me throughout my life from the first time I sore one! on Friday 4th April 2002 until the other day on Tuesday 18th April 2017.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s