Spanking / Spanking lifestyle / Spanking yourself

How To Find a Disciplinarian

While spanking yourself is the way to go, it still is ideal to have further spankings administered by a disciplinarian from time to time. I myself have various clients whom I regularly discipline – I even thought about doing it online, maybe I will do this some other time (with committed clients and regular meetings over Skype.) Right now I just assign a punishment here and there on the blog, which is good but maybe I will go one step further.

In the meantime, several of my commenters here pointed out that finding a disciplinarian is difficult for them, especially commenters from the United States. Here in the UK it’s fairly easy to find good disciplinarians (although there are much more clients, to be honest), but it seems not everybody can enjoy being disciplined regularly by a disciplinarian.

Reader NJSpank for example, mentioned this here on his quest for a disciplinarian.

Reader Joel recounts his experiences with disciplinarians:


I meet my Miss tonight for another very sore bottom experience tonight and she is very very good at it. As you know I have been seeing Mistresses since I was 22 and I have seen seven of them in that time! and that is due to them coming and going from the Town and City that I live in.
As you know I am someone that is seeking in my sessions real discipline! as I feel the need for accountability and responsibility need in my life! all the time to help me stay on track!. , I do as I also expect! the very best from my self all the time and I do not except letting anyone else down or myself down! 100 effort in all things.
My first true disciplinarian of course was my mother!

Again, a disciplinarian is a complement to self spanking. Joel writes:

but as you know from my own testimonial that when I left home at 18 I went on my own and then I had to become my own self disciplinarian for some time which I was not bad at as a self spanker from 18 – 22.
At 22 it was at 22 that I tried this thing called a mistress in that was being advertised and as I was a young man and had a mother person in mind to take me in hand and punish me for the bad things that I rally wanted to be punished for! I found an ideal Mistress in her mid 40s! As that was the age of the dominant lady that I wanted to spank me! I would keep that going right through my 20s!.

Your disciplinarian doesn’t have to be in her 40s, by the way. [I’m 32 by the way.] Joel notes:

It was not until March last year! that I found my new Mistress a much younger Mistress than myself! as that was what was available to me!!. At first I thought a lady that is 8 years younger than I am! I have always gone for mistresses! in their 40s to spank me! this is not going to work!! well was I (WRONG) This Slender! late 20s lady may look like a young girl! fresh out of school, when you first meet her! but after all is said and done, and she becomes the (MISS DISCIPLINARIAN) and you need to be corrected for your latest misconduct’s! she is well and truly up for the job! and she has sent me home 9 time’s a very sorry boy! but she also takes a big care for me as well! before and after the hiding which makes a big difference.

A good disciplinarian provides you with the necessary spankings and punished you adequately.

Joel notes,

It is now Monday night! the night after my ordeal with my Mistress! last night and I can tell you I am still sitting on a sore bottom, after last nights long! and hard normal over the knee experience.
It really is sore on both cheeks! and right on the sit spot, and I would say will be for most of the week! when she does it! you come away feeling punished, and well disciplined! which lets face it is the whole point isn’t it!.


but also provides aftercare. Joel provides good points in another comment:

What I find so fantastic and what I love about my disciplinarian is that before and after the painful long punishment! she always finds the time to sooth my emotions as I am an emotional person.
I have had to punish my self once this week with a good spanking and write lines! and have endured two Fridays’ in a row with a bottom blistering experience with my discipline Miss Melissa! Also with these next 40 remaining swats, with the leather paddle over the next few days! along with my Maintenance spanking this
Sunday in which it is the wooden spoons turn this Sunday I think I my have a very very’ sore bottom over the next few days! Will indeed help me to re-asses my behaviour this month, and should keep me on the strait path of good Attitude adjustment and correction.


When your first meeting with you future disciplinarian is coming near, it’s normal to be nervous. [I was never nervous, but I’m the disciplinarian.] Joel comments on nervousness ahead of the meeting with your spanking disciplinarian:

The strange thing that is the hardest I find the bear the most though you know! is not actually the long hard painful blistering and scolding I get over my Mistresses knee! or the days of finding sitting on hard surfaces the greatest challenge! it is that last two hours’ that you have before you see your Mistress! and it does not matter what you do before you see her! you cant help it! the feeling of dread almost of what your about to put your self through! even though you have been through it many times before and will get through it again! it still happens! those 2 hours before the Spanking Punishment and the sore behind I have now for the next few hours! the worst is those two hours of waiting time.


Now we’ve arrived at this post’s point:

Where to find a disciplinarian?

As usual, you can refer to the web (craigslist in the US, gumtree here in the UK). Finding offers shouldn’t be so easy, more important is the face to face meeting. Of course you should weed out fakes or scammers first, but then it is more important that the two of you ‘click’. Here’s another comment on how to ‘make it click’.


  • Make it clear that you do not have a sex fetish! and are into spanking and discipline not BDSM or SM! long before you start, and that sex is not what your about! only discipline and spanking only! In the past I have even gone as far as drawing a diagram of the spanking positions of spanker and spankee! if it is a first time! and this has worked wonders. [Very good point. This is discipline and not some weirdo sex fetish.]
  • Experience: Some ladies are newer to this than others’ and are still learning about us’ which need our help and experience it! whilst you will find those that have been swatting away on our behinds for years! and know every thing about your naughty ways! and know just what you need! I have recently luckily found such a Mistress so don’t give up! But even those that are not so experienced! can do an ok job if you guide them from the start in the right direction, as I have done with some ladies who have just started out in the past. With the Spanking world remember for all of us we are all Gentlemen and ladies often always learning something new from this interesting world of discipline.
  • On the relationship as a whole: I also agree with you! I to do not see my self as a slave! but as a Student of Discipline! and look at my Disciplinarians’ as both my Tutors and Mentors! Guiding me into the right direction. As we all need Discipline in our lives! and you will agree a good spanking brings one down to earth and on track when we need it.



In the end, discipline is what matters. If you search the right way, you will find a good disciplinarian. Joel did, and he comments:

I really do respect and admire! my Disciplinarian Mistress, and she does a fantastic number on me. And she also likes to talk with me before and after and we chat about things before and after my punishment! which helps me a great deal.
I am very very comfortable! with my current disciplinarian, and she does a real good job with me, as do you Miss Jessica.


The comments here provided me with lots of insights from the other perspective – I myself love being a disciplinarian!



Miss Jessica

If you want to integrate accountability in your life, become more goal oriented or just want to spank yourself anyway, you should consider, apart from reading the other articles here, to get the The guide for self spanking. It will teach you the backgrounds of spanking, some things to consider when starting first, and various scenarios in which spanking yourself is necessary. 

Check out the guide here or click on this image, to go directly to Amazon:


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17 thoughts on “How To Find a Disciplinarian

  1. Hi Miss Jessica

    Another good blog and I hope it can be of assistance to those who need a disciplinarian. I am also glad that I was able to give you an insight from my end as the spankee!.

    I so happen to see my disciplinarian Mistress again tomorrow afternoon! at 2pm my time. I have tomorrow off! as I worked Saturday Easter long weekend so no excuses to be made not to see her at the appointed time. As you know as she has been traveling I was unable to see her last month! so my trip over her knee and a dose of the cane afterwards is way over due.

    I be looking at making another appointment in a weeks time also to make up for it! as the punishment and discipline that she meets out! does me a world of good.

    I will say though that you Miss Jessica giving me all those punishment and Maintenance punishments to do in the mean time has compensated well for not being able to see my mistress in that time! so again Thank you so much for all your discipline as you provide me with excellent alternative discipline that I needed. Will send you a full report how it went! and I will get my Mistress to take a photo of my bottom afterwards! which I shall then send to you at your email address.




    • Joel, thanks for the compliment! Yes your mistress and I, we are complimentary. For guys it’s sometimes difficult to find one in real life, so I wrote this article.
      I look forward to your bottom.


  2. Hi Miss Jessica

    Just letting you know I been going through my history books! and found you something important. As you know I have an incredible record of all my punishments! including all my Mistress punishments! that I have had over the years recorded for my own benefit and lesson reminder’s.

    I can tell you that my first session and punishment from a 47 year old disciplinarian at the time when I was 22 years old! was on the night of Friday the 4th April 2002! I have it recorded! along with every single other one since!!. The punishment went from 9pm – 10pm! and during that time she spanked my bear bottom with leather strap, hair brush and even with one of those leather cat whips that sting like hell. I even thinking of going back to them? as they really get my attention. That was it! I have had discipline by Seven different lady’s since! 8 if I include you Miss Jessica.

    That means, seeing on going Mistresses’ for self Discipline has helped me throughout my life from the first time I sore one! on Friday 4th April 2002 until the other day on Tuesday 18th April 2017.




  3. Hi Miss Jessica

    Just got round to your blogs! as I have been real flat out with work and life and everything else in between you know how it is.

    Yes I have every session! and every Mistress date, and time! and year who has ever disciplined me! from 2002 – 2010! and again from 2015 until now. I had a break from the on going discipline Mistresses from Mid 2010 – until the end of 2014! due to the health issues! I was having at the time! but well and truly on track now! and that bottom sees a disciplinarian on a good regular basis now. I also am very very happy with the extra on going discipline, that you meet out to me as well! Miss Jessica.

    I am about to pull down my jeans’! and underpants, and put myself over the OTK chair! for the 60 with a nice thick leather belt, in which I have chosen another one! and I have picked a new item also to do my normal every day 20 swats’ with! and I know that will sting like hell. When I have finished as normal I shall send you the photos’ to your email address along with the items that I used to do the punishment with.




  4. Hi Miss Jessica

    Had an hour session with my Mistress tonight! I am still sitting on a very sore bottom. I wanted her to take a photo like she did last time! unfortunately my phone needed charging! stupid me did not have his charger!! so that was that!. I do however have another appointment with her on Friday afternoon! my day off as I am working all weekend! so I will have better luck this Friday as my phone will not be getting so much use in one day.

    I really am sore! and will be for days! I would say by the time my sorness has gone! it will be time to go over her knee for another session on Friday afternoon! my Mistress does a great job with me when she is in my neck of the woods! and you also do a great job Miss Jessica with what you do for me online as well! you are both a great Mistress Team.




  5. Hi Miss Jessica

    Just letting you know that on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week I gave myself a special punishment of 300 spanks a day! a total of 900 over the three days with a studded bath brush on tight jeans as a different new punishment. It hurt a lot! and the jeans held the heat and the pain in loads. I took photos of my bear bottom of day one and two and have just sent them to you. Please let me know what you think of them.

    The Special Maintenance Punishment was another idea of mine and I thinking of doing it once a month it does work! my bottom still somewhat sore now. and it the just after midnight Saturday my time now.


    Your loyal student



  6. Thanks Miss Jessica

    Yes the 900 over three days was a challenge but worth the Discipline and the sore bottom. I did it for my Discipline, and for you as well Miss Jessica. I thought you would like it.

    Also I was unable to see my other Mistress today due to a bad Cold! that I have just picked up! and don’t want to give it to my her! so I have tried rebooking with her next Tuesday.

    Mean time I as it was my day off today I gave my self another special punishment the same as I did last week! as a reminder that you are indeed my second Mistress! and I need to respect that.

    So I put on my Skin tight Jeans again on and gave myself another 300 spanks with the plastic Studded bath brush and put myself in the corner for 30 minutes! I pulled my jeans down after the spanking first and took photos of my sore bottom and then pulled them up again to hold the heat in! and make my sitting in time out in the corner for you for 30 minutes very uncomfortable. I shall do the same thing for you again tomorrow Miss Jessica another 300 in tight jeans! with 30 minutes time out in the corner in tight jeans on chair! and will do the same for you on Sunday another 300 followed by another 30 minutes in tight jeans on chair in tight jeans. I shall also do 100 lines and take a photo of them as well and send them. To round up my dedication to you and how sorry I am and how Thankful I am to you being one of my two Mistresses I give you this whole punishment in dedication to it. The 900 swats, that I have already started and already have a sore bottom 300 today Friday 19th May in tight jeans with studded Bath Brush Over the OTK Chair will continue on , Saturday 20th April 300 Swats with Studded Bath Brush in tight jeans in the OTK Chair, And Sunday the 21st with the studded Bath Brush in tight jeans in the OTK chair.

    I shall then after photos give myself 30 minutes strait corner time! after the spanking in the corner in tight jeans on all three days mounting to 1 hour and 30 minutes all.

    To complete the Punishment and dedication to Mistress Jessica I shall then write ( I have two Mistress, not just one! so respect). I shall then write this 100 times and send the photo on Sunday afternoon all to your Email Address.


    Your Loyal Student



  7. Hi Mistress Jessica

    I off to work now this morning! but before I do just letting you know I sent you my first photos last night of my ordeal of my new Punishment to you to Self Spankings! in which I think you will like the outcome of my bottom after the first 300 spanks! with the bath brush.


    Your loyal student



  8. Hi Miss Jessica

    As Dedication to the both of you good Mistresses! you shall now have all my photos and reports sent to you to your email address. This will include the Tree day dedication Punishment that I have done for you Miss Jessica on Friday 19th, Saturday 20th, Sunday 21st 2017 in which I gave my self 300 spanks across my tight jean bottom over 3 days! 9 spanks with studded Bath Brush, I did half an hour in the corner in tight jeans on seat on all three days! coming to hour and a half of corner time and also finished the punishment of dedication to you Mistress Jessica with 100 lines which I also have taken photos and sent you.

    Today was Mistresses Melissa’s turn! in which she took me over her knee and also spanked my bear backside with a range of items which turned my bottom very very red! as you will see from the photo that Miss Melissa took today! Wednesday 24th May 2017. I had my Punishment session with her between 1pm and 2pm today! and have a re – booking with her next week on Tuesday from 1pm and 2pm next week. She also gave me good news’ that she will not be doing any more traveling for another ten months and that I am one of her favourite clients! which means I shall be able to make an regular appointment with her on a more regular basis which is great.




  9. Hi Miss Jessica

    I have my 1 to 2pm spanking appointed time tomorrow with my Mistress Melissa! and the great news is that, that will be my appointed time with her every week on a Tuesday! 1pm to 2pm until the end of October this year. I am going to get a lot of well deserved sore bottoms from now until then! It is going to go a long way in keeping me well balanced, earthed, and well disciplined over these next months.
    I also want to continue my dedication and discipline with you Miss Jessica as well! as you do a great number on me as well as my online discipline mentor and online Mistress. I shall also regardless with how sore my bottom is to give it a daily 20 swat maintenance spanking every day as I have since the start of the year with a different item every day as that I have found helps me every day.

    I shall keep you updated on how my weekly over the knee sessions go! and of course get Mistress Melissa to send you every week my spanked bottom afterwards.


    Your loyal student



  10. Hi miss jessica my last session yeasterday afternoon was very painful and i have got my mistress melissa to take the photos of my very sore red bottom after. Think you will see just how hard it was when you see my bottom which i have sent to you !but i always deserve my punishment from you miss jessica or miss melissa. Shall send you photos and punishment report of your punishment at the end of the week. Also have my next session with miss melissa now on a every tuesday, weekly basis. Regards your loyal student joel.


  11. Hi mistress jessica i have started a new tradition of every tuesday when i have my mistresses 1 hour session! i give her a thank you card with payment! and i put a nice message in the card thanking her for her services plus a list in the card of any naughty things i need to be punished for. I have found this works well as it changes the difference if i have been good from a long over the knee red bottom spanking for weekly maintenence spankig to if i have not been good to a real backdide blistering over her knee and even over the bed like last week. One thing i was guilty of last week was not getting jobs around the home done as planed. I also can add i have used a few naughty words this week so those words will be going into the card. I can expect a good hard long blistering from my mistress melissa tommorow. I also did 100 lines for her. I think the card idea is a good idea! as it shows thanks and appreciation as well as the naughty deeds of ones actions in words! Which keep one accountable for their misconducts. I try to be as good ad i can but i am a naughty person at times and need to be spanked and disciplined. I always feel so much better after having been disciplined by my mistress melissa as i do after your punishment and discipline as well miss jessica. Your loyal student joel.


    • Thanking for a spanking! Today I want you to stand 30 minutes in the corner and 100 swats with the German paddle. I believe I need to raise the numbers with you, Joel. After this I want you to thank me.


  12. Hi miss jessica it 5.30am in the morning my time tuesday and i going to get into a lot of things today. Ater my blistering experience with myistress melissa today! My bottom will be on fire and i not sure i would infact feel the 100 swats that well after that punishment. I shall however have a very sore bruised red bottom even tommorow so after work tommorw would be perfect! As i shall really really feel that 100 swats on my bear bottom and i shall do the 30 minutes corner time. By the way i still have a very sore bottom from giving my self 300 swats with the studded bath brush yeasterday! And i also gave my self 300 on friday also in thanks to you mistress jessica. I am always very thankful for your correct discipline and mistress melissa. My bottom is sore already and i have not seen mistress melissa yet! I will have a fire under my seat by tommorow night after todays roasting! My maintenance Spankings and the 100 with the german spoon. I dooo so deserve the punishment though. As my normal thanks too you miss jessica i shall get miss melissa to take photos of todays punishment of my roasted bottom! And also i shall take photos of my red bottom after i have spanked it 100 times with the german spoon! And i shall also take photos of my self in the corner and send them too you. Regards your loyal student joel.


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