We want to be seen as normal. Sometimes we’re tempted to believe that we’re nearly normal because someone else is sick. Resist that temptation—you don’t need the crutch of thinking someone else is less normal than you.
Alex Reynolds is a model who blogs at Alex in Spankingland. “I identify as a spanko, and I didn’t really see Spankingland as being a subset of the BDSM community. I’ve always viewed it as a similar but parallel community that often gets lumped together with BDSM due to said similarities. At my worst, I can get downright snobby about the differences between spankos and ‘regular’ kinksters.”
This is not an original attitude. Rebecca Plante, a sociologist, interviewed attendees at a spanking party. She identified some of the ways that people who are interested in spanking can engage in stigma management.
They assert that “everyone has hidden desires about spanking.” They see frequent (and increasingly sexual) references to spanking in the popular media as proof of this.
“Another stigma neutralization strategy was common among spanking aficionados. Many men took care to mention that those interested in spanking were ‘different’ from those who were interested in SM more generally. … participants generally defined SM as ‘truly kinky’ and ‘where the real weirdos go.’ In this strategy, one group denigrates another ‘fringe’ group in order to mitigate the stigmatizing effects: ‘We are more normal than they are; they are the true deviants.’ ”
Plante’s interviewees espoused what she called the Goldilocks theory, in which there is “a just-right amount of spanking to administer or receive, a just-right amount of discipline to desire, and a just-right amount of eroticism. People at this party viewed heterosexual spanking as normal and same-sex spanking as deviant; they also viewed it as normal for men to spank women and deviant for women to spank men.
I understand, but I hope you will resist the urge to approach sexual differences like this. You don’t have to be more normal than someone else.
It’s uncomfortable to feel that there is something wrong with you. If you feel sexually stigmatized, of course you’d like to prove that you’re still more normal than somebody else. That’s human nature. But the better approach is to critically evaluate the stigma. If it’s justified, you need to change your behavior. If the stigma is unjustified, your desires are within the range of normal. And spanking desires are normal if they are engaged with a consensual partner and they do not interfere with the rest of your life. Guilt and shame are optional.
If you want to integrate accountability in your life, become more goal oriented or just want to spank yourself anyway, you should consider, apart from reading the other articles here, to get the The guide for self spanking. It will teach you the backgrounds of spanking, some things to consider when starting first, and various scenarios in which spanking yourself is necessary.
Check out the guide here or click on this image, to go directly to Amazon:
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